Friday I was supposed to go downtown, so I told you to see if we could arrange something, see each other. I never got if we would or not see each other, but I still had to go downtown, so I did. As I was on my way, I sent a text to Tina, just to see if she was around so we could hangout. She was. So we went together drop my check, and then I walked her to work (wendy's). We talked a little, about you, me, her, life in general... oh and her and I (crossing fingers) maybe moving to Toronto at some point next summer or something like that. So, I drop her there and go to Subway's across the street to get cookies. I do some homework, and then go to the beat goes on. I stayed there for a good time, then I went to cash. and your mom called me. so I headed downtown cause I was anyway going at the shelter for some... food. She didn't know where you were. So I thought, well... I have no idea, maybe she did show up!... and couldn't find me. So I felt bad... pretty bad actually... oh, I was raining and windy by the way. But I couldn't feel anything. As soon as I got close to your mom, I closed myself, and became the "adult" for the situation. She was freaking out. She didn't know what she could have done wrong, she didn't understand why you would do such a thing. She gives you everything you want, and you treat her like if she didn't mean anything to her. She didn't say al of those words, but most of them were hers. We looked for you downtown until 7, It might have been 6 I don't remember, then we stopped a cop. blah blah blah, your mom was talking with him, telling him she didn't understand you, and why you'd done that. Saying you wouldn't miss hockey. blah blah blah. She was freezing under the rain. I was numb. I was still warm, even though we were damped, and the wind was blowing harder. We went and tried to find where Ashley lived, cause we were just trying to figure out where you might be. I made sure she wouldn't get lost, but she was still out of it. I stayed calm. I knew you were all right, you were "safe" somewhere. I was trying to comfort her. On our way to Wendy's (thought maybe Tina might have a number for us so we could try to get a hold of you) we past right by Toronto street. We get some number's from Tina, then hit downtown again. As we were about to go to my place, you called. She asked me what she should do. How she should react to that night. Your consequences. I told her to stay calm. Not to yell, cause you would just back off and close your shell and find excuses. You surprised both off us, when you got in the car and started saying "sorry". I was laughing at you. at the situation. At the fact your mom called me her daughter. I didn't want her to say that. It was just mean towards you. She gave me 20$ so I could eat because I had missed my diner. She told me she'd do anything for me. And you know what, all night, I had enough time to learn about your mother. She loves you. SHE LOVES YOU LIKE CRAZY!! and, do you even see that? She told me she didn't know what to do with you anymore. She told me, that she was thinking of moving away. Lose everything she had, and move far from here so you'd have a chance to be different. I did not agree. I think it was a thought of the moment, but see what you did!. She's hurting. She want you happy, but you don't care. She sees that you're bright, and talented, and she wants you to be able to have a life. She thinks that the reason why you act like that is because you hang out with people who have/ had, rough lives, while you had it easy... and that you're just destroying yours. When I hugged you once we got home, I started shacking. I started feeling the cold and the rain. I almost ran inside to the shower so I could warm up, but talked me out of the "cold" feeling I had. I still went and took a bath, but to have comfort, not because I was cold. I realized after that, that the reason I felt this way, the reason while all of that happened I didn't feel the cold and the fear, it's because I was trying to be strong for your mother. Because I put on my... "adult" suit on.
Amber says that, if I wanted to I could be an "ALPHA"... but I involves a lot of responsibility, which would make me chicken out easily... Maybe THAT explains why I couldn't deal with my "mother".
Today, you wrote that I couldn't "sacrifice one thing for me,,,,thought u might have liked me...just a bit" Do you really think it's true? Cause if you really do, I think you kinda need to look over this text, and maybe even this relationship. Cause I think you're wrong.